You hear it all the time: "Life is too short". Yet we never spend more than a second actually thinking about it. But look back at the last 10 years of your life...doesn't it feel like it went by SO fast? Don't you wish you could be that young again? Don't you miss your childhood? I do. I miss those innocent and naive days, where I'd yell for my grandma and she would throw me money from the balcony so I could go get some ice cream. 50 cents could get me the world at the nearby candy store. And I was one happy little girl!
Then I don't know what happened...people say "life did". But why? Why, as we get older, we forget to find joy in such little things, that we put such a burden on our shoulders and happiness now comes with such a higher price and things? I'll be the first to tell you that things make me happy. Things as in materials. Nice house, nice cars, nice everything makes me happy. At least so I thought. Is it really happiness? Or is it just the inner me feeling accomplished that I got it? Whatever it is, it's not worth a damn thing. And the older I get, the more I realize it. Life is full of "things", none of which add any meaning to it.
Last night I found out a beautiful, young girl Marie passed away from stage 4 cancer. First of all, FUCK cancer. I would normally apologize for my profanity but not today; not right now. Fuck it. It has taken way too many lives; way too many good people; people that loved to live. Really live. Not live for the world and the petty things like most of us do. And it made me tear up....my heart literally dropped as I read the text message late at night. Hubby was sleeping sound asleep next to me and I couldn't help but reach my arms out to him and just tell him how much I loved him. Life is too short. I always knew it, but I'm finally learning what it means.
We all have a God we look up to and trust. Whichever God you believe in, trust that he put you here for a reason and a purpose, and if you haven't found it yet, know that he wants you to live life happily for it's the greatest gift you can ever receive. And to love is the greatest feeling you can feel. At least that is what I feel. A lot of us look forward to heaven forgetting that our time here is precious too and it matters. It's worth living it to the fullest. Worrying about the small things, or the people that will only walk short paths with you in life is simply a waste of smile and minutes you will never get back. And as I write this I am teaching my own self these things. I don't have anything figured out...but I know that with time I can teach myself how to view the world from a different perspective and how to be happy and free.
We worry too much about the opinion others have of us; the friend who betrayed us and we didn't see it coming; the boyfriend who flirted with someone else; the coworker who is trying to take your place; the parents who don't understand and are not supportive; the neighbor who comes across as fake; the test we think we won't do well in; the scratches our kid got when biking outside; the purse we would KILL to have; the nasty comments left anonymously on our page; the husband who forgot to put the toilet seat down....and when you think about it, in a month or even year, will it MATTER? Will any of this make or break you? Will it add on years to your life? Will it take pain away when you are suffering? Will it cure you? Will it make you prettier? Will it find you love? Will it make you HAPPY? And if yes momentarily, will it LAST?
Every day I'm learning to appreciate the little things I have that make me want to wake up the next morning. These little things that give me LIFE and make me be grateful to breathe another day...My husband, my son, our kiddos that I was blessed with from his previous relationships, my family back in Albania who would do anything for us, my mother and father in law that truly adore me and I adore, and the very few friends I have I can count on few little fingers. These are what ultimately my happiness depends upon. These are what makes my life the life it is. These are the people that bring out the true smile in me. These are the people that matter. Their opinion of me is what counts. Their love for me is what gives. Their lives in mine is what makes mine worth it. And if they are OKAY, nothing else matters. Nothing else should matter. And same goes for you.
Make a list today of all that truly is important to you. And let it marinate. See if it doesn't make you feel silly for all the things you are currently worried about...Last night was that moment for me. A beautiful, young girl died at such a young age and with such a beautiful soul. And if I could I swear I'd give her some of my time here on Earth. But I am grateful she came into my life, even as a complete stranger. I am thankful I picked her for my Louboutin giveaway. I am thankful that even for a second, I made her smile. I just wish I could have given her more. I wish I could have given her another day. I bet you nothing in this world would make her happier than another day with her loved ones. Yet the rest of us wake up every day, not even thinking about it....hop out of bed, fuck around on our phone, see who messaged us and who's doing what online, and go about our day the same way as we did yesterday, and somewhere in there we manage to find time to judge someone else so we can feel bigger and better about ourselves. Shame. Shame on us.
I woke up today full of life. I literally feel like grabbing it and not letting it go. I feel like living it for it's mine to live. And I only get one chance. And the only thing that matters more than my life is the people in it. For them I would give it up. For them I'm willing to let it all go, as long as it meant they get another day more than I do. I'm okay with that.
I have learned not to judge others a while ago. I used to be catty, "hood", smack talker, always ready to put up a fight, finding something to talk shit about when it came to others and never pointing the finger at my own self. I was all of that. I have no shame in it. But I no longer do that. I refuse to ever pass judgement upon anyone. And if it crosses my mind I won't speak on it. For all I know, that person might be in the same phase I was a few years back. Life is all about cycles. I'm no better than you, and you are no better than I. We are all learning. Some quicker than others. But whatever it is that is bothering you now...brush it off! You have a life. Don't waste a minute spending yours on them. Only you can allow to feel what you feel. Don't give others that power. I promise they're not God. They don't have any power over your life. So let them be and wish them well. Pray that they find happiness. If they do, they will leave you alone.
Appreciate life.
Here's my happiness in video form:
Egreis Gjergjani
